Books for Christian men to read before and after, you ask her to marry you.
It has been awhile, since i last posted to this blog. Today however, my Dreammaker Tardis wordpress is down for maintenance, so i am back here.
I recently had someone contact me who is engaged, they wanted recommendations and advice. They knew of my background in the prophetic and the mentor who trained me. So they were hoping I'd learned something from my time with him, before he passed away.
Because of their circumstances, i only recommended a few books for them to read that my mentor made me read as part of my training. I avoided giving any direct advice and definetely made sure they knew i wasn't going to give them any "prophetic counsel" about marrying that person.
Rule #2 in the prophet's hand book is. Marriage is an act of freewill and God doesn't interfere with free will.
Rule #3 The bible makes it a free choice, with both Jesus and the Apostle Paul, essentially saying, "if you want to get married, get married. If you want to remain single, stay single. If you can't control yourself as a single person then get married, if you've been engaged a long time and are tired of waiting end it. Ultimately, concluding that both are o.k. and that remaining single and devoted to God is best, because in marriage ones focus is on pleasing and caring for your spouse.
Ok, there isn't a prophet's handbook exactly, but the two prophet's who mentored me, one since 1992 until 2011, and the other from 2001 to 2005, all taught me this, as did all of the books i read about prophetic ministry.
I told that person, "don't go seeking a prophetic word from a pastor or prophet, to confirm or to tell you if you should marry someone. If they "get it wrong", or say what they think you want to hear to please you, or they think they know enough about you and that petson; you'll be placing a lot of control and power into their hands about something that will impact you the rest of your life."
"You already know in you heart if you should marry that person or not, anyways."
They admitted they had already gone to a couple of pastors to see what they would say. Fortunate for them, those people had some similar training about the prophetic and wouldn't give them any thoughts about that decision.
In my twenty-nine years of prophetic training, study, being mentored and observing, i only saw two "prophetic people" violate that rule. One was pastor Eddie Espinosa, one of the early founders of the Vineyard Movement during a one day seminar at my bible university, and the other was a man named Eddie Traut. Eddie is a South African immigrant who was eventually found to be living in sexual immorality with his male traveling companion. This young male traveled with him during his ministry trips away from his wife.
Mr. Traut had frequented a church i had been involved with for many years as a guest of the pastor of that church. It was on his list of places to visit during his "prophetic ministry conference tours". That church was small, but known for its generosity.
He once prophesied to two older single adults they would get married. Both of them were eager to get married, being in thier fifties. So they began dating and a short time later married. Their marriage ended in a horrible mess eventually.
The couple Eddie Espinosa prophesied to, had already been dating off and on for a while. The male was a very passive Chinese man, and she a very dominant Chinese woman.
They looked nice together, but knowing them personally, i always wondered if they would do well together long term.
His mom (his only surviving parent) had recently passed away and he was in his mid-twenties, so i was concerned about his making a decision about marriage during such a grieving time in his life.
I was completly shocked when Pastor Espinosa told them they should marry. I do not remember the exact words he used. The couple were happy about it. They'd been talking about it. I left the Anaheim Vineyard to be part of a team training a young church plant how to minister, a few months later. So i don't know how they are doing. That was 16 years ago.
Fortunately, you don't have to read all the books i had to read, and I'm not writing about the Prophetic. I'm only including those books i found especially useful and beneficial. Books that will help you as you figure it out.
These books are great reads before you say i do, and even better for after you say i do.
(The photos of the books do not link to anything, you'll need to web search their titles if you want them. I am NOT selling books.)
A few of the books i read as part of marital training from my former mentor pastor/prophet Vern Matheson, will benefit men the most. Men in particular could learn a lot from the book, "Love is a Decision" and "Boundaries in marriage".
Men on the brink of divorce could learn alot from the sequel book to Love is a decision, "Winning your wife back, before its to late". The first two i recommend to anyone thinking about marriage or already married.
Out of the long list of books he had me read as part of my training, Love is a Decision and Boundaries in Marriage" were the two that stuck with me. "
Almost all of the books i am recomending are by the same authors.
I had lots of other books from other authors as part of my training, but none of them stuck. I can't even remember what they were.
"The language of love", is a decent book too. Not as good as "Love is a decision", which is top on my list, but an insightful book.
Every time i finished five books he had given me to read, he'd hand me five more books to read, and I'd think, "More books!".
Unlike my brother and father who love to escape via reading, i prefer writing.
The "Two side of love", is another valuable resource to read. It presents what a man sees verses how a woman sees things.
I should also recommend, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", too. Since i just remembered it, i didn't screen capture an image of that book.
In my final training sessions in 2010 before this particular mentor passed away, we just studied Gods perspective and design for marriage directly in the bible. I was happy that we were otherwise done with all those books. I'm just not a fan of the amount of time it takes to finish a book. Give me the movie version!
"If only he knew*, is another good book to read. I'd read another similar book that i enjoyed and found helpful, but i can not remember its title.
I read "Winning your wife back" on my own, not part of my training. At the time i thought it might help me win a girlfriend back, but its definetly written for a man whose lost or about to lose his wife.
The only books i have read since then have been about the Prophetic, some books on church planting required during my university studies, and books as part of my Advanced Cinematography degree.
Its kind of ironic, how men in particular will read books about their hobbies, fantasy, video gaming, clothing and style, fixing their car, repairing a broken thing, but never about the most important thing in their lives, their wife and family. Then so many of them mess up their marriages, and are clueless.
One more i recommend is, The Gift of Sex, by Clifford and Joyce Penner.
I attended a class they did at Fuller Seminary in the early 2000's. It is a very honest and open book about sex from a Christian perspective. It's very informative and useful for singles and married couples.
I'd read almost every Christian author on the topic of sexuality up until reading, "The Gift of Sex" book and attending their class as a single man (im still single as i write this. My mentor was married.)
It would turn out to be the last book i would need to read about God's design for sex.
The advice and information in that book, is very different from any discussion I've had with pastors of many churches here in Southern California and Japan.
Those other books were very restrictive, presented some non-biblical concepts about single sexuality which affirmed the condemnation i grew up with that twisted scripture. Most had unhealthy non-realistic biological restrictive and very narrow ideas. Those other books i had read about sexuality simply added to the burden I'd already been given by and observed in "the church".
My mentor never gave me, nor reccomended any Christian books regardimg sex, therefore i am recommending the book that helped me gain a more pure and authentic view than any denominational perspective has offered.
When was the last time any church you attended had a title in the bulletin, "How to please each other sexually in marriage." Followed by an altar call?
I've known more pastors who've gotten divorced and broken their marital vows in my lifetime, than anyone else.
Other than my mentors, (i had two male mentors and one woman mentor) all the advice i got in the church about marriage and sex was poor, creating more distress and frustration than help.
These books ultimately assisted in bringing a lot of truth and freedom into my life.
I haven't re-read any new updated publications of "The Gift of Sex", since America's culture embrassed things outside of God's design, so i do not know if a more progressive version was released by Penner and Penner since i read it.
Penner and Penner are Christian Psychologists and counsellors who graduated from Fuller Seminary.
Fuller, is a Presbyterian Theological Seminary and in recent years, its been called out a few times for its facilitation and space provided for those who are not following biblical mandates for marriage, as embraced and now promoted by the western Presbyterian demonination of churches.
I would be surprised, based on what they taught in the seminar and book publication version i had read, if they followed the culture, secular psychological industry and some of the older denominations outside of the confines of the biblical perspective.
I simply do not know. A quick peek at the index of any more current updates to the book, if tbey exist, should help you decide.
That being said, its still top on my recommendations list until i have reason to remove it.
I hope these recommened books will help someone thinking about getting engaged, and those already married looking for solid and specific advice, or who want some guidance to save a marriage in jeopardy.